Sex in Romania will make you laugh. It is everywhere!

Sex in Romania is as common as anywhere else - and if you count the number of sex shops along any main road - especially in the capital, Bucharest, they should all be at it like rabbits in the kinkiest possible ways... Until you remember most young folk here live with their parents until they marry... And after marriage sex slumps.

A few years ago, before marriage, I was a keen cyclist - sadly with no sense of direction! After a night at a friend's home, I got lost on the way home... a few hours later, hot, sweaty and certainly not thinking about sex in Romania (cycling does that to you!) and on the home straight - I stopped at a roundabout.

A young girl - no more than 12 - came up to me and asked if I would like a blow job - which I of course declined ... It was only later when I thought about it - the smeared lipstick etc - that I realized how busy she must have been.

Romanian women go through different stages when it comes to sex in Romania. The first is not to want to sleep with anyone before marriage - a truly noble aspiration.

Then some get this idea that if you want to keep an Englishman, you really ought to have regular sex with him - these I heard about but my Romania girlfriend kept me well away from.

As Romanian women get older and marriage seems so far away, many seem to relent and their partner moves into the small block apartment where they start with their parents in the next room singing loudly to avoid hearing the noise.

Romanian men on the other hand do not have any of these problems and seem happy to take what they can get.

In Romania - there is a saying - how true it is I do not know. A Bucharest woman needs three partners for her needs... one for love, one for money and one for sex. The lucky few find all of these in one man.

Another man I heard about was caught having an affair - and got away with it as he explained the woman had cast a magic spell over him making his unable to resist her advances... And his wife accepted this fact.

In contrast my mother-in-law on my wedding day did some pretty graphic hand signals as to what she would do to me if I upset her daughter on this front... Which is kind of funny when I know that there would be little off me to do anything with if I did the dirty.. So I think keeping on the straight and narrow is a much better idea.

My final funny story took place on a lonely dark rainy night in the woods outside Bucharest...

My uncle was in this storm and saw a young beautiful woman - very wet - by the side of the road. He stops - offers her a lift - and in she gets - within 100 meters - she is listing her services and prices... alas he had collected a woman of the night who was dropped off again 200 meters further on – very quickly – before anyone could misunderstand his gentlemanly intentions! (With lots off expletives!).

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